12.05.2012

Knowing When To Call It A Day - guest article


Knowing When To Call It A Day

Women tend to thrive on friendships. There’s no better cure for all manner of ills than getting
together with a close friend to discuss matters of the heart and head. Women tend to analyse and
discuss their thoughts, feelings and concerns and to support and comfort a close friend at such a
time that she should need it.

Yet, when so much time and energy is invested in female friendships, it can often prove incredibly
difficult to sever ties when a relationship no longer reaps the reciprocal rewards you would come
to expect. It may be that ending a friendship is internalised as a personal failure. Guilt also plays a
big part in a woman’s reluctance to call time on a friendship as does concern that the individual’s
feelings will be hurt.

Worries about the repercussions might also be a reason for stalling when it comes to severing ties. If
there are mutual friendships to be considered, there may be negative consequences or a tendency
to take sides thrown into the mix as well.

While all of these concerns are understandable, they don’t necessarily justify clinging on to a
friendship that is draining and exhausting. After all, friendships are voluntary and not all will be life
long. There are usually a myriad of reasons why someone comes to the conclusion that a friendship
is untenable. It’s not usually due to childish or churlish complaints, messing up a beloved, borrowed
maxi dress, stealing the attentions of a subject of lust or such other playground politics. There will
inevitably have been a history of hurt to come to such a decision.

If there are mutual friendships in the equation it may be wiser to take a step back rather than sever
ties completely. When pressed to get together, tell the person in question that you have your own
ongoing issues to deal with and need the emotional time to do so. It may be appropriate to focus
on yourself rather than transfer the blame for your decision onto her. Avoid getting into lengthy
discussions about specifics and if questioned by your mutual acquaintances, avoid the temptation to
elaborate on the situation in a ‘warts and all’ exposé.

Chances are if your friend is needy and suffocating then the process of separation may not be
straightforward. If she is dependent on you then her tendency to cling will mean you need to be
consistent and clear. Stick to your guns and allow yourself the opportunity to engage in healthier
relationships that don’t take their toll on your happiness.